Our Anniversary

Today, August 9, is our 21st wedding anniversary. I am writing this from Melissa and Mark's computer because this afternoon I flew to Cedar Rapids. Melissa's baby shower is Saturday, and Friday (tomorrow) I will paint the baby's room. As I planned this trip, I deliberately chose to come to Cedar Rapids today so that I would not be alone the entire day of our anniversary. I figured I would have the morning and part of the afternoon to be alone with my thoughts and memories and tears, to visit the cemetery and take Ed's favorite flower, a red rose, and then be distracted by the travel to get through the rest of the day. All that did happen, but much more happened that caused more tears but also was very comforting.

This morning I had a phone call from my next-door neighbor Sherry who was recently widowed. She is spending 10 days in Florida with a friend and I have been looking after her house while she is gone. I thought she was calling just to see how everything was at her place, but she was also calling to see how I was. She remembered today is our anniversary. I was touched by her call and her concern, and she gave me words of encouragement that meant so much to me because of her own recent loss. Then I checked my e-mail and found a message of comfort and encouragement from Ed's daughter Sherry. Of course I cried even more all the way driving to the cemetery. When I got there, I found the most thoughtful, touching gesture that I never, ever expected. There was a bouquet of 21 beautiful red roses with ferns and baby's breath and a card that read "Thinking of you and Uncle Ed always." It was from Pat, Ed's niece. She knew I would be going to the cemetery, and she hoped finding the roses would be a comfort. I was so taken by this gift that I literally stopped crying. I was just that stunned. I called Pat when I got home, and she told me to think of those roses as coming from Ed because he would want me to have roses on our anniversary. It was just the most beautiful thing anyone could have done for me today. My neighbor Ann, who used to have her own floral business, gave me some special solution to dip the cut stems of the roses in that will help preserve them so they will still be beautiful when I get back Monday.

I had cried so much in the days leading up to today, just because I knew our anniversary was coming. I feel as though I've made it through this day the best I could. I'm determined to focus on the joys of the baby shower this weekend, just as my neighbor Sherry said I should.

I have now been to two support group sessions, called Steps Toward Healing, sponsored by the hospice that helped us. We meet Wednesday evenings for 8 weeks and can attend more sessions if we like. Those meetings seem to help even though only a few of the people have lost spouses; most have lost a parent, a few have lost a sibling. The issues that come up, though, have all been pertinent to me so far. It's helpful to hear how other people are dealing with their grief and loneliness as well as all the necessary things that have to be done to keep living life. I'm hopeful that I am taking the right steps to heal and be the person Ed wants me to be.