Bob Giesman's Memorial Service

Yesterday afternoon, Bob's memorial service was held at Norwood Presbyterian Church, just down the street from Bob and Maryellen's home. It included tributes that really captured who Bob was. A long-time work friend, a 30+ years' poker buddy, the minister, and Maryellen all spoke about his sense of humor, quick wit, love of pulling pranks, his love for his family and commitment to provide for them, and his devotion to his work. His daughter Pat wrote a fitting poem about laughter. Pat's emotion seeped through a little as she read her poem, but she reined it in and made it through just fine. Who truly amazed me was Maryellen. She related some anecdotes about Bob's pranks and humor and kept her composure throughout. I don't know where she found the strength to do that so eloquently although she told me before the service that she was determined to try. After 44 years of marriage, she knew Bob better than anyone, so maybe that gave her the courage. What makes this amazing is that Maryellen has always had a difficult time being around people and socializing, much preferring to keep to herself. Speaking in public is not something people would expect of her, and certainly not under these circumstances. But she did it, and I'm proud of her and Pat. I didn't look around at the crowd in church, but afterwards in the fellowship hall, there seemed to be so many people. I couldn't estimate the size of the group (Ed was much better at that than I am), but I think we pretty much filled the small church. Pat said they ordered food for 100 people; there must have been that many or more.

There was only one part of the service when I sort of broke down. I anticipated that Ed would be mentioned at some point and thought I had prepared myself for that, but these details were not what I expected to hear and so they got to me: The minister, Rev. Chris White, related how for years and years Ed and Bob sent each other the same birthday card back and forth each year. What she didn't say was that each year the sender would add some humorous, sometimes slightly insulting comment about the difference in their ages. (Ed was 7 years and 8 months older than Bob.) Every centimeter of that card--front, back, inside--was covered with comments. Part of the fun they had in recent years was finding where the new comment was "hiding." Bob relished pointing out that Ed was now 8 years older as of his latest birthday, and Ed always reminded Bob that they were back to 7 1/2 years when Bob's birthday approached. Each of the guys had one year when they couldn't find the card. For Ed, it was after we moved from Norwalk, IA, to Bartlett, IL, and Bob's March 29 birthday had come. Ed searched and searched but couldn't find the card. So he bought a new card and re-started this "tradition" with profuse apologies. By chance (typical that you find what you're looking for when you're not looking for it), Ed found the card and mailed it belatedly. The same happened with Bob--finally finding it and sending it belatedly. At Ed's viewing, Bob placed the card in Ed's casket. He told me it was his turn to receive it. (This was on June 19 and Ed's birthday was July 3.) I didn't ask Bob if he added this year's comment to the card nor did I disturb it once he placed it beside Ed. I think I remember there was more than just the card there, but whatever it was, I know it represented the bond between the Giesman brothers.

As I had the opportunity yesterday, I tried to be a comfort to Maryellen, Brenda, Pat and Kirk, Lisa, Bobby and Dawn (I still am not used to calling him Robert or Bob), Amy, and Steven--most especially to Maryellen. Besides being at Bob's memorial service with Ed's 6 "kids," being with the extended family gave me such a feeling of comfort. I'm so grateful to still be welcomed and thought about by such wonderful people. I know there's a danger in naming names because, at a time when you're a little distraught, you may not remember everyone you talked with, but here goes. Aunt Jinny Runk, cousins Fred and Sandy, Karen and Stan, Jim and Vivian, and Tommy, plus Ed's long-time friends Larry and Tom, were all so warm towards me that it helped me hold myself together when all during the week I had been pretty much falling apart at any time of day. I didn't want to draw attention to myself at this gathering by breaking down. My support group, who had been asking me each week how Bob was doing, told me that my setback was obvious on Wednesday evening. I knew it because I was back to not sleeping well as well as crying so much. They offered their support and hugs that night, and I confess I really needed that. Melissa had been bearing the brunt of supporting me through this sorrow over Bob and the re-awakening of the loss of Ed, and once again I felt guilty about burdening her so much. The support group reminded me, however, that although I feel as though I've lost a lot of the progress I had made in learning to live with grief, I have had the experience of getting better and I will get back to that place, maybe more quickly this time than before.

It's heartening to find out that people are still checking this blog for updates and look forward to reading what I write. The phrase "makes me feel connected" came up a couple of times yesterday in my conversations with the cousins. Guess I should have warned you all that this entry would be a long, tear-filled one.