Thanksgiving and not-good news about Bob

I drove to Virginia on Wednesday to spend Thanksgiving with my mother and sister and her family. I wasn't sure this would be the right thing for me to do and spent a lot of time beforehand thinking about how to handle this holiday. Coming up with a plan was actually an assignment from my support group, and last Wednesday when I still hadn't decided on my plan I was chided a little by one of the group facilitators. I made it through the holiday by not thinking of this as a Thanksgiving trip so much as another trip to give Marie a little break and do some things for my Mom. Still, standing at my mother's kitchen sink washing lunch dishes reminded me that a year ago, on the day after Thanksgiving, Ed stood at that very sink washing dishes. I even have a photo of him at the sink and Mark with the drying towel in hand. I remember that I was working on the plugged-up vacuum hose at the time and Marie, Joey and Jeffrey (my nephews), and Melissa were putting up Grandma's Christmas tree. We put the tree up again this year on the day after Thanksgiving. Despite the memories going through my head, I held it together. I drove back today (Saturday, November 24).

The new memory being created this weekend is not a good one. Ed's brother, Bob, is losing his battle with pancreatic cancer. Last Friday, he participated in making the arrangements for hospice care at his home, the plan being that a hospice nurse would come once a week. But his condition has deteriorated rapidly since mid-week. He is currently under 24-hour hospice care at home. The description of his condition is painfully familiar. I wish there was something I could do for him and for his family, but I don't have any magic words or deeds to help them through this. I often ask Ed to please be with me somehow when I make these long drives or when I have to face something that scares me or concerns me; but today, all day, I have told Ed to be with his brother, to help Bob in whatever way he can.