25th wedding anniversary

Today would have been Ed and my 25th wedding anniversary. Although I went to the cemetery this morning and got a little teary-eyed, I can honestly say that I am doing well on this day. I have pleasant, loving memories that comfort me. I don't have a need to cry and grieve. That's saying a lot. It's proof that I have come a long way. I think Ed would be proud of me.

4th anniversary

I haven't written in this blog since my granddaughter Aubrey's birth in August 2010, but today I feel the need. A lot has happened since Ed died on this date four years ago. I hope he is proud of the way I am living my life and taking care of the finances and legacy he left me. In past years, the days leading up to the anniversary of his death were very hard, filled with much emotion. That wasn't true this year. I had friends to be with, activities that gave me joy. I thought about him, about us, and I seemed to be having positive thoughts and good memories and handling the days well. But then today arrived, and it all came back to me. Not to the extreme of before, but sorrow and tears nevertheless. I went to the cemetery shortly before the time of his death. I drove there in rain, but when I got to his gravesite, the sun suddenly came out and felt like it was warming me, just me. Four minutes later, which would be the approximate time of his death, a quick, hard downpour occurred. It was over in 2 minutes, and the sun returned. Some would say there was meaning to those natural events. I choose to believe that. It still pains me that I wasn't with him when he died. I still remember the hospice nurse telling me that he chose that time so that I wouldn't have to watch him go. But I felt like he was with me in those minutes at the cemetery today. And I do think he still watches over me and Melissa and all his family.